- too scattered to do any actual blogging even though i want to - suffering from memory loss, evidently - dying of laughter at the latest creedblog:
I'm a romantic guy. Always have been. Fell in love for the first time in the fourth grade with the Truancy Officer. Ever since then, I’ve had a thing for women with badges. Cops, security officers, DEA -- doesn’t matter to me. They’re all foxy.
Love is tricky. It makes you do crazy things. Back in ’73, I got into a love triangle. Love pyramid, really. Put $6,000 into a cigarette resale venture and just waited for the dough to start pouring in. It never did. Lost my savings for a shot with the DePalma sisters, but it was worth it. I’ve still got some old smokes sitting in a storage shed up in Delaware. It’s my little reminder of the price of love.
If I ever wanted to get married again, I’d go for height over substance. Pretty wives are good for taking to buffets, but tall wives get you noticed. Wealthy’s also a good quality to find in a lady. I’ve got to find me a rich, tall broad. That’ll keep me happy.
There’s one lady who might fit the bill and her name is Louise. She works as a toll collector at the Wilkes-Barre exit on the Pike. Lou's a big woman, really fills out her uniform and I like it. I'm going to show up at her tollbooth next weekend wearing my lucky socks and my sex pants. Then I'm going to read her a poem I've been working on, in the style of my man Willy Carlos Williams. After that, I'll spray paint all the windows in her booth black and show her why they call me "The Guiding Principle." It's going to be smooth. Don’t know if she’s rich, but she definitely has access to a lot of change and that’s good enough for me.
There’re only six things you need if you want to snag a good woman: A guitar, chicken, wine, a car, running water, and some permanent markers. If you don’t have a guitar, a lute will do. You get those six things and you’re Don Juan, trust me.
okay i know historically i get all frowny about rushing the kids, but i just saw this:
A leading candidate to start Tuesday is righthander Ian Kennedy, 22, the Yankees' first-round pick in the 2006 draft. He picked up his first Triple-A victory for Scranton/Wilkes-Barre on Wednesday with six innings of shutout ball in which he struck out nine. Kennedy has allowed two earned runs in 17 Triple-A innings, striking out 19. He would be pitching on five days' rest. [newsday]
and i may or may not have squealed a little bit, as i will be in the house tuesday and the idea of seeing a second badass baby bomber make his mlb debut is, selfishly, more appealing than poor jeff karstens.
Bad week for: Station identification, after the Federal Communications Commission issued the call letters KUNT to a new Hawaiian TV station. The station's owner has already filed a request to have the call letters changed. [the week]
"I'm actually defending A-Rod, and they turn it around into a swipe. It's a joke. But what more do you expect from people who follow high-profile guys around with camera phones so they can get them in trouble." -- chipper jones
"i feel bad for the guy [who was having an elaborate cake replica of wrigley field made for his birthday]... i don't think the cubs have won in like, a hundred years." - the toby clone dude on the ace of cakes
"good thing you didn't catch the padres game on monday. you may have heard about it by now, but in any event towards the end of the game matt vasgergian thought he had his mute button on and was talking to tony gwynn, but gwynn's mic was still live. vasgergian said that cards fans need to get back in their el caminos and go back to the ozarks and that he's tired of coming to this shithole and having the team get the shit kicked out of them and he never wants to set foot in st. louis again and he's not going to come back next time." - high and tight mike
i've been bitching about this for like a week now but
commenter hb over at, uh, kb's blog reminded me of it: WHY DO PEOPLE INSIST ON USING FLASHES AT BASEBALL GAMES? ^%(&%(^%*&
oh and sorta relatedly - the other day, kay was pumping up the arod at-bat drama, as is his wont, and very theatrically declared that if you listen closely, you can hear the camera shutters in the stadium going off. uh, yeah, but clearly a tv camera's picking up the sound from the press camera well. which is all very normal and not dramatic. ^%&(*&