Labels: i don't even know
Labels: i don't even know, teh office
Labels: boys behaving badly, i don't even know, less than three
Labels: actual rocket, i don't even know, things that are funny, youtube
Dear Mr. Buffett,
The women of America need you. Badly. Have you ever been in the changing room of the lingerie section at a major department store? O.K., don't answer that. But I've been there, and I'll tell you, it ain't pretty. There's desperation. There's misery, fatigue and wild-eyed panic. Every single day across this great nation of ours, women have to force themselves into cruelly lit cubicles with ill-closing curtains to try to find a bra that fits. But only a pitiful few do. Warren, must this agony go on?
Ever since you bought Fruit of the Loom and its plus-size offspring Vanity Fair back in 2002, extending your empire to the firmament of the foundation garment universe, I have been waiting patiently, hoping that you'll turn out to be a revolutionary of the order of Herminie Cadolle. About 120 years ago, Mme. Cadolle figured out that it made more sense for women's breasts to be suspended from above than cantilevered from beneath. That is, she invented bra straps. So instead of walking around wearing the lingerie equivalent of the London Bridge, women could slide themselves into a Golden Gate. This was a huge relief—as anyone who has worn a strapless bra can tell you—because the London Bridge pretty much always falls down.
Or you could be like Ida Rosenthal. She invented cup sizes back in the 1920s. Warners picked up her idea and decided that most women would fall somewhere between an A and a D. At the time it was a breakthrough. But Mr. Buffett, please, this is such old tech. Are you wearing 80-year-old underwear? Again, no need to answer. But how can it be that in the past eight decades we've gone from measuring by furlongs and pinches to microns and nanoseconds and gigabytes, but we're still sizing bras according to the first few letters of the alphabet? And I'm not discounting the seminal work of the Swiss anthropologist Rudolf Martin, who classified breasts into four types: flat, hemispheric, conical and goat-udder-shaped. It's just that, inexplicably, his nomenclature system failed to catch on.
The crazy thing is, we already have the technology. Only this year a bunch of Hong Kong researchers published a paper in the International Journal of Industrial Ergonomics—a publication that I imagine is on your bedside table right now—that used 3-D anthropometric measuring equipment to take a very close look at 456 young Chinese women's breasts. (I know, can you imagine writing the grant proposal for that?) Their conclusions make for some tough reading. They note that 70% of British women are wearing the wrong size bra, and that among bigger-breasted women the sizing is particularly inappropriate.
Instead of taking two measurements (under the bust and over the bust) to find a bra size, the Hong Kong researchers took 98. The key to building a better bra, they concluded, is to use a depth-width ratio rather than just volume to figure out the cup size. Warren, can you see what's happening here? Are you going to let Chinese women have better-fitting bras than we do? Where is your sense of patriotism? First it's superior bras, then it's superior weapons, and before long the fat lady in her too-snug undergarment has sung, and it's over.
As you know, W.B., bras carry a lot more freight than just the bosomy kind. When women stand in front of the mirror, they don't see a bra that doesn't fit. They see a woman who doesn't fit—whose cup runneth over, who is insufficiently endowed, who is goat-shaped.
About half the adult population wears bras. The other half strategizes about them. Building a better-fitting one is not just good for female self-esteem, it's good for business. And you are the guy to do it. Can't you see the ad campaigns? "The Buffett Bustier: because one size does not fit all." Or "Get yourself into a neBRAska. We've got room for everyone."
Warren, I beseech you, just spare one moment today to think about breasts. I know you can.
[belinda luscombe]
Labels: i don't even know, what it feels like for a girl
Labels: i don't even know, quote of, team a-rod, yanquis
Labels: i don't even know, sox
Labels: i don't even know
Labels: i don't even know, yanquis
Labels: i don't even know, quote of
Labels: i don't even know, things that are funny
I'm a romantic guy. Always have been. Fell in love for the first time in the fourth grade with the Truancy Officer. Ever since then, I’ve had a thing for women with badges. Cops, security officers, DEA -- doesn’t matter to me. They’re all foxy.
Love is tricky. It makes you do crazy things. Back in ’73, I got into a love triangle. Love pyramid, really. Put $6,000 into a cigarette resale venture and just waited for the dough to start pouring in. It never did. Lost my savings for a shot with the DePalma sisters, but it was worth it. I’ve still got some old smokes sitting in a storage shed up in Delaware. It’s my little reminder of the price of love.
If I ever wanted to get married again, I’d go for height over substance. Pretty wives are good for taking to buffets, but tall wives get you noticed. Wealthy’s also a good quality to find in a lady. I’ve got to find me a rich, tall broad. That’ll keep me happy.
There’s one lady who might fit the bill and her name is Louise. She works as a toll collector at the Wilkes-Barre exit on the Pike. Lou's a big woman, really fills out her uniform and I like it. I'm going to show up at her tollbooth next weekend wearing my lucky socks and my sex pants. Then I'm going to read her a poem I've been working on, in the style of my man Willy Carlos Williams. After that, I'll spray paint all the windows in her booth black and show her why they call me "The Guiding Principle." It's going to be smooth. Don’t know if she’s rich, but she definitely has access to a lot of change and that’s good enough for me.
There’re only six things you need if you want to snag a good woman: A guitar, chicken, wine, a car, running water, and some permanent markers. If you don’t have a guitar, a lute will do. You get those six things and you’re Don Juan, trust me.
Labels: i don't even know, things that are funny
Labels: birds on bat, i don't even know, quote of
Salty has an unusual family situation. Now 21, he married a teacher at his high school in West Palm Beach, Fla., who is now 37, according to records. His wife Ashley, who recently gave birth to their second child, insisted to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution that their personal relationship didn't begin until the fall of 2004, when Salty was 18.
Labels: i don't even know
Labels: i don't even know
Victoria Beckham, wife of soccer star David Beckham and former Spice Girl, known as Posh, is filmed during batting practice before a Dodgers baseball game in Los Angeles, Monday, June 11, 2007. Beckham is set to make a splash on U.S. television when NBC airs a one-hour special titled "Victoria Beckham: Coming to America" on July 16, before her husband's July 21 debut with the Los Angeles Galaxy. [ap]
Labels: i don't even know
