no, wait, unfortunately the following is completely believable. it makes me sick to my stomach that i live in a culture where this deranged motherfuckery is allowed to go on unchecked and enabled, just because some douchebag was randomly blessed with athletic gifts. lifted from jezebel:
Just days from the Super Bowl, the Seattle Times brings us a powerful story of football, rape and forgiveness. The chief antagonist is Jerramy Stevens, a 6'7, 255-pound tight end on the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. In 2000 he played for the University of Washington Huskies, the third-ranked team in the country (and possibly the third-rapiest, given the three other Husky-on-"groupie" rapes alleged that same year.) But Stevens' case is special, in that it was enabled by so many administrators, authorities, lawyers, and coaches. In high school, where his dad was principal, Stevens served time for beating a friend with a baseball bat and some more time for failing his piss tests and punching through school walls. He should have lost his scholarship but there were lawyers, fans -- even Mormons -- ready to lobby, protest, and write letters on his behalf. In college, Stevens was stopped like 99 times for DUIs, hit-and-runs and driving with licenses that had been revoked due to DUIs and hit-and runs -- a harbinger, perhaps, of the DUIs that would follow in his NFL career. "Sometimes you have to give people a chance," they would say. "He's a good kid etc. etc." But Seattle police detective Maryanne Parker didn't believe it -- especially after, investigating a rape charge against Stevens, she found an email he'd written to another girl with whom he'd been romantically involved:
"i know that you are not going to beliewhat i have to say especially after satterday night but when i got your e-mail today i laughed a first but then it started to sink in and my heart started to break as i read over your words.
"i realize that i have [messed] up and I want to talk to you about being with you and how i can make it up to you. this is not a joke i want to have you in my arms and know that you are mine and ythat nothing that i have done or [a friend] has said caould ever change the way that i feel about you. when i think back to the night that i spent with you by ourselves i wish that i would have done one thing and that is, i wish i would have put ... "
Stevens then describes, in explicit terms, an anal-sex act he wanted to do to her. He closes with: "you whore dont ever utter my name again."
After sending it, Stevens showed the note to a teammate, who called it a "funny ass email."
So at this point it probably wouldn't surprise you that someone like Jerramy Stevens was accused of drugging a virgin sorority girl and anally-raping her in the alley next to a frat house. It probably also wouldn't surprise you that aiding him in this effort, directly aiding the cause of clemency for Jerramy in this crime, were the University of Washington Athletic director Barbara Hedges, then-head coach Rick Neuheisel, current head coach Keith Gilbertson, the University of Washington legal department -- who fought to get the accuser's name released in the civil aftermath after the rape case was dismissed -- King County prosecutors Norm Maleng, Dan Satterberg and Mark Larson, and lawyer and loyal UW football fan Mike Hunsinger, who represented Husky teammates in many cases for pennies on the billable hour.
And finally, it probably also wouldn't surprise you that most of these people had the same reasons for maintaining "reasonable doubt" for Jerramy: Girls are gold-diggers, groupies, looking for attention; as if there is no other reason for the existence of women, no other source of affirmation for them, than perpetuating that mythic higher caste occupied by men whose raw, caveman-like aggression keeps the fans in the seats, the donors sending checks, the Fortune 500 companies shelling out a million for thirty second spots, and the wheels of the economy in motion.
read the rest here. have a garbage can or something ready for when your lunch comes up.
i've been bitching about this for like a week now but
8.01.2007
commenter hb over at, uh, kb's blog reminded me of it: WHY DO PEOPLE INSIST ON USING FLASHES AT BASEBALL GAMES? ^%(&%(^%*&
oh and sorta relatedly - the other day, kay was pumping up the arod at-bat drama, as is his wont, and very theatrically declared that if you listen closely, you can hear the camera shutters in the stadium going off. uh, yeah, but clearly a tv camera's picking up the sound from the press camera well. which is all very normal and not dramatic. ^%&(*&
going by the half billion colorfully offensive things i've heard yelled at her husband over the years, i'm sure half the people sitting behind her deserve it. and that's just the expensive seats.
i'd like to think this of some kind of brilliantly funny joke but then i remember there are people who actually think this way. from the comments section (i know, i shouldn't even be reading them. i'm a masochist, okay?) of a certain beat writers blog which shall go unnamed:
Here’s something else:
Eckstein coming to the Yanks makes A-Rod look like the ultra-greedy mercenary and quitter he would be if he walked: A-Rod’s making $252M all total between Texas and the Yanks under his existing contract, but that’s not enough and here’s Eckstein, a blue collar guy signing for a respectable amount but still a fraction of A-Rod’s money.
Exit: A-Rod, an all-about-money loser who couldn’t win a World Series with three teams or handle the pressure of playing in N.Y., and doesn’t think 12 years $252M is enough. He wants basically/ probably 15 years $333M altogether (3 years and $81M added to his current contract). The height of greed and “me” attitude. Remember, if he wants 3 years $81M ($27M per) added to his current deal, the Yanks are paying all $27M per, not just $16M per they’re paying now cuz Texas is paying the rest. I don’t see the Yanks paying $27M per for 2011/12/13 A-Rod, sorry.
Enter: Eckstein, a gritty, scrappy veteran winner who helped both teams he played for win a World Series making a fraction of what A-Rod makes. Also not to knock the guy but he’s short. What I mean by that is he’s much more identifiable to the average fan cuz let’s face it he looks like one of them for the most part and yet he can hold is own. I could see kids looking at him and thinking “if he can play with all these big guys and I’m not a big guy, I can play”. Also he’s a family man, no shenigans, these things are important to the Yanks who are probably privately begging for A-Rod to leave after this year if they don’t win it. Even if the Yanks won it all, he got his ring and can get lost. I’d flat out tell him “no extension” World Series win or no W.S. win. Actually, I think Cashman already did.
If Eckstein comes to the Yanks to replace A-Rod and the Yanks win it all with him…WOW! He’s up there with Derek, Mo, Tino, Scott, Chuck, Paul, has to be.
i'm not going to bother with a long angry rant about this frustratingly ignorant POV. a disappointing amount of people cling to it and frankly i shouldn't have even expended the meager energy it took to copy and paste that bullshit.
alex rodriguez: League Leaders 2007 • Ranks 1st in AL in HR (19) • Ranks 4th in AL in RBI (45) • Ranks 3rd in AL in R (48) • Ranks 11th in AL in BB (28) • Ranks 2nd in AL in SLG (.630) • Ranks 4th in AL in OPS (1.022)
david eckstein: League Leaders 2007 • Ranks 1st in Grit in NL • Ranks 1st in Hustle in NL • Ranks 1st in Heart in NL • Ranks 1st in Scrap in NL • Ranks NOT VERY HIGHLY IN ANY USEFUL BASEBALL PLAYING CAPACITY UNLESS YOU VALUE THE FACT THAT HE BOUNDS ON AND OFF THE FIELD LIKE A GOLDEN RETRIEVER ON COKE
i don't know why i even read this because i know better
2.08.2007
If the only reason to do anything is to win, then you may as well do nothing. [some hat wearing jackass in reference to an a-rod quote about wanting to win]
maybe he should've done something more along these lines, then he'd be a cuddly winning winner who wins:
A child who was 8 years old back in 1987 is 25 now, and probably in law school or driving a truck, beginning to understand how miraculous were the championship seasons of his youth. But pity today's 8-year-old Twins fans: Crushed and in mourning, experimenting with the power of curse words and questioning the love of the parents who brought them into a world in which mighty multimillionaires beat the home team.[star tribune]
this kind of woe-is-us mentality, and not some east coast sneering elitism, is what makes me wonder if them small market types really are losers. you have the joy of watching cy young incarnate every five days, a centerfielder dripping with charisma giving balls-out hustle every day at the expense of his own body, a grieving right fielder who gives all he has despite his sadness, a team full of hungry young guys who obviously love playing together and doing what they do, and you're saying pity the children? fuck you. tell the children exactly what they have, to love it, to appreciate it for what it is, and not what could have been.
i was 8 years old in 1987, and in my elementary school, it was minnesota twins hangers-on and leftover mets frontrunners as far as the eye could see. my team? a laughingstock. 1988, 1989, 1990, 1991, 1992: losing, losing, and more losing. but i had rags, i had donnie baseball, i had dave winfield, and rickey. i had baby bernie, i had scooter (no, not that fucking fox talking baseball travesty) the ever optimistic homer, i had "HOOOLLLY COW!"
93 - things started to shift. 94 - baseball stood still. 95 - fucking edgar. 96 - yall know what happened in 96, and after that. but until then, i knew nothing but losing, which perhaps is the reason i marvel at this ridiculous run, never stop being amazed by the unlikeliness of it knowing the temporal nature of winning (where are the marlins now? those diamondbacks? those blue jays? remember when the indians were actually scary? sure you do!). i know this can't be forever. but should they revert back to the general comedic awfulness of the yankees of my youth i won't be shaking my fist at the big bad world. and i sure as hell i won't be questioning, even sarcastically, the love of my parents. they taught me the value of loyalty.
