qotd

"if i could do it all over again, i'd bunt more." -- joe morgan

Labels: small ball? fuck you

HAPPY OPENING DAY YOU GUYS

: smithers, are they booing me?
: uh, no sir, they're saying boo-URNS. boo-URNS!
[to the crowd]: excuse me, are you saying boo or boo-urns?
: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!11
: i was saying boo-urns :(



anyway: rain rain go away!

Labels: less than three, national league, screwing the blouse man, things that are funny

who came up with generation tres? it's tres suck.

Labels: things that are annoying

so matsui snuck off to get hitched, and hilarity ensued:

“We’ve got a bet going,” Matsui replied. “If he doesn’t get married within a year, I win the bet. Basically the bet was, whoever gets married first wins. Jeter said he himself doesn’t have a girlfriend, so he’s getting a one-year handicap.”

Back in the clubhouse, we found Jeter and told him the news about Matsui. Jeter, who loves to say that he’s never surprised by anything, was genuinely shocked. Turns out Matsui had played him for a fool.

“That’s not hilarious, that’s sad, that’s real sad,” Jeter said. “If he wanted the money, all he had to do was ask. He didn’t really have to do it.”

You see, Jeter explained, this all started as a bet between Jeter and another Yankee bachelor, Bobby Abreu. Matsui heard about it and said he wanted in. Jeter knew Matsui had a girlfriend, but he added, “I didn’t know he was gonna get married this spring.”

Abreu sauntered into the clubhouse, heard about Matsui’s marriage and broke up laughing. He also admitted defeat quickly, saying he’ll write Matsui a check. (We couldn’t find out how much the winner gets.)[bats]

those wacky kids!

Labels: things that are funny, yanquis

qotd

"it makes you wonder just how bad this recession's gonna be if DSW can't sell shoes to women." - some guy on cnbc just now

Labels: quote of

picspam otd

ignore reggie.

Labels: team a-rod, why yes i am objectifying you

i'm so over it

but i admit i lol'd:

There has been a lot of talk lately about the right and the wrong way to play the game. We have heard Shelley Duncan’s side. But what about the Tampa Bay minor leaguer whose collision with Francisco Cervelli broke Cervelli’s wrist last Saturday?

I’ve never spoken with Elliot Johnson, so I don’t know. But he seems pretty convinced that he knows how to play the right way too. In fact, as a Durham Bull last season, Johnson gave lessons in that very subject for $50 an hour. He doesn’t mention anything about tips on sliding into home. [bats]

Labels: things that are funny

oh juuuuneeeey

"yankees looking at rich harden?"

Labels: geographically undesirable

i'm a wee bit bummed i couldn't go to the virginia tech game today but, provided yes doesn't outdo itself in the pomp and cringeworthiness department, being near a tv this afternoon should suffice just fine. i enjoy that the yankees get copious rations of shit for everything from, like, ethnic cleansing to the recession on down to some dude in texas waking up all grumpy wumpy on the wrong side of the bed the other morning, but the good they do merits little more than a yawn. oh well. i wonder what lisa olson's up to.

Labels: yanquis

question.

has the sporting news ALWAYS been this full of shit? what does "action is always better than inaction, even if it ends up making the franchise look dumb somewhere down the line" even mean? and why do some sportswriters think that

writing like this is a good idea. you are not ernest hemingway.

you are not even margaux hemingway.

i think that they should write like this.

like a concrete poem. that would be better.

more people might read. all the way. til the end.

Labels: douchebags

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

to one of my favorite beisbol partners in crime and one of my favorite human beings in the history of ever period, juneh! in her honor, a kitteh gone wild video (because really, i don't think there are any existing pix of scott rolen that she hasn't seen 8475346807 times already):

Labels: less than three, people i don't want dead

who, pray tell,

is the one who sounds bent out of shape here:

Also in the process, Yankees manager Joe Girardi got himself bent out of shape.

“It’s uncalled for,” Girardi said of the play. “Spring training, you’re going to get people hurt, and that’s what we got, we got Cervelli hurt. It’s one thing to get hit by a pitch, it gets away, but, I don’t understand it.”

What’s not to understand? It’s baseball. If you’re a runner trying to score, and the catcher is blocking the plate, you do what you have to do to score. That, generally, means plowing through the catcher. Most times, the catcher doesn’t get injured. This time, he did. But what was Johnson supposed to do? Pull up? Lie down in the basepath? Go and fetch Cervelli a cup of tea? [sean devaney]

a cup of tea! get it! because that's dainty and feminine or british or whatever! ha ha!

idk, maybe i'm missing something, or being unfair, or maybe the finely chosen words are ruined by the fact that i'm hearing the writing voice in a supremely annoying cartman impersonation.

also, i don't know if you guys have noticed, but i have very bravely and in the name of science made the observation that joe girardi has the build of a person you don't want to mess with. or try to sarcastically explain the delicate nuances of baseball to. but i don't play baseball, or write professionally, so what do i know.

Labels: rolleyes, stfu

qotd

mike rowe, my television boyfriend: "So, the more you pull the pork, the better it gets?"
barbecue dude: "That's it."
rowe: "Some things oughta just be written on a shirt."

Labels: i heart dirty jobs, quote of, things that are funny

qotd

"for those interested, premium opening day tix look to be $1200 each and up. It is getting to the point that it'd be cheaper to charter a jet, go see them in another city, stay at the most expensive place in town and bathe in champagne, than to try to see them at home." - juneh

Labels: hmph, quote of, things that are funny

this guy was probably so disappointed when he got here

heh. i've been to a lot of thunder games and i'm not sure i'd want to see any of the fans naked... i mean, the crowd's mostly small children and um, people of certain ages to whom gravity has not likely been kind. unless you're into that sort of thing.

Labels: i don't even know

because

i am a) a moron b) bored and c) firmly believe that blingee is the among greatest/worst timewasters provided us on these vast internets:






NY Yankees IP H R ER BB SO HR ERA
Hughes (W, 2-0) 4.0 0 0 0 2 1 0 0.00

Labels: blingee, pocket rocket

drop dead tampa bay

it's spring training, for fucks sake. how rude!

Labels: baby bombers, douchebags, horseshit

oh barf

2K Sports, the sports publishing label of Take-Two Interactive Software, Inc. (NASDAQ: TTWO), announced today a partnership with renowned and influential music outlet Pitchfork Media in support of the highly anticipated title, Major League Baseball 2K8. Pitchfork has made a name for itself since its inception in 1996 as the de facto online source for quality and discerning music reviews and news. The Pitchfork staff also shares passion for the game of baseball and it is the combination of their passion for music and baseball that makes them the perfect partner in constructing a truly epic soundtrack for Major League Baseball 2K8. [forbes]

it'll be epic all right. i wonder if they'll write a flowery, meandering review of their own soundtrack.

Labels: things that are funny