nostalgic, fuck the offeason qotd

"i just want to ride horses on the beach and swim in the warm clear water and sleep in the sun and dance with boys who just want me for my us citizenship & sassy hips and drink shitty super cold presidente and eat dominican food. just til pitchers and catchers. waaaah."

Labels: :(, I WANT BASEBALL NOW, me me me, quote of

oh yeah

forgot to bog it in the appropriate entry... my third favorite thing of the browns-jets game:

me [to the nice people in front of us who'd retrieved a glove and a lens cap for me because yes i'm that clumsy]: i'm sorry! thank you so much.
guy in front of me [joking]: what's wrong with you? you're throwing stuff everywhere!
me: i'm not used to the browns doing anything right, i guess i'm so excited i don't know what to do with myself.
kid in front of me: so where are you from? where do you go to college?
me: college?
kid: yeah.
me: i'm 28.
kid: really?!
me: i'm an old woman!
kid: it sounds so sophisticated when you say it! [grinning] old woman.


the best part? he was wearing braces.

Labels: brownies, me me me, things that are funny, what do you mean there are other sports

qotd etc

"what is it with you, now that he's carrying a gun and more able to kill you it turns you on more. you're a nut." - mike

dear red sox: please trade this guy, and this one, for some more appropriately unattractively soxian replacements. thank you.

arod and co could hit a billion home runs and bob lorenz would still insist on talking up little ball, admiringly. ^$%*^%$*$#

Labels: me me me, quote of, small ball? fuck you, stfu

qot other day

"you look like... french. or matilda." - my brother on my haircut

Labels: me me me, quote of

why i'll never read a baseball book in public again

matt nokes came up in conversation last night and of course, it reminded me of this priceless exchange of a few months ago:

[i'm sitting on a bench at a local train station, flipping through my newest baseball book and waiting for a new york train]

guy [saunters up nonchalantly]: hey, are you familiar with the schedule? to new york? i'm familiar with it monday through friday, just not on the weekends.

me [staring, because he'd just walked right past the giant sign with the schedule plastered all over it]: it runs every hour saturdays. it should be here around 2:30.

guy: dammit! i was hoping it would be here sooner...

me [clearly irritated and gesturing toward the train rumbling up]: that's the BAY HEAD train.

guy: heh heh, i could tell, uh, [walking away dialing phone selfimportantly] because of the direction it's going in.

[i go back to my book and guy proceeds to scream and yell about his divorce on the phone about 15 feet away. about 40 minutes later.........]

guy: heh, well, it's 2:30 and there's no train!

me [rolleyes]: 2:36, it's supposed to come.

guy: oh! [pause] what's your name? you have very pretty hair! do you do that yourself? are you irish? oh, half irish? what's the other half? oh! why are you going to the city? going out to dinner? meeting a boy? a girl? is she nice? ha ha, i was about to say something completely inappropriate! what do you do? oh, you're a DO GOODER! don't they like, shit themselves? sorry. where are you from? lakewood? are you jewish? were you the only white girl in your high school? it's okay, i grew up outside of newark and i was the only white guy in my high school and it sucked! what are you reading? [pause] wait a minute. you didnt hear that conversation i was having did you? THANK GOD. i'm just going through a divorce right now and all my friends are picking sides. but they should pick ME. even though i made some bad decisions*.... well. i'm losing my house, i fucking LOVE my house. and now i'm living in an apartment in fucking manasquan... i'm just going through a really emotional time right now. [pause] baseball! can i look? this is some heavy shit, jenny! i couldn't read this. wow. what does abstract mean? what team do you like? yankees? i have yankees tickets! who's your favorite player? scott rolen?! couldn't you pick someone cuter than scott rolen? he didn't even PLAY last year, how could you like him? come on, who's your all time favorite player? not mariano, go back further than that! mattingly right? matt NOKES!? he wasn't a bad catcher, he was a great power hitter! he had like 30 home runs one year! great answer jenny! so do you have a boyfriend? girlfriend? how old are you? why arent you married? you're not interested? in anything? with anyone? is this your way of telling me you're not going to give me your number? oh. [our train fucking finally rolls up] can i carry your bag for you?

me: NO.

*from what i gathered he cheated on his wife. which, you know, is one of the first things i look for in a man.

Labels: birds on bat, me me me, yanquis

get on board, little children

background: i work on the dementia "neighborhood" of a long term care facility, and over the course of my days gather colorful arrays of conversation, ranging from childlike to profane to profound to disturbing.
in several years this is perhaps the most unsettling thing i've heard, and the best part is that the woman doesn't even reside in my facility: she's a functioning member of the world Outside.


a conversation between myself and the sister of a resident on my floor:

sister: "are you voting tomorrow, dear?"
me: "of course."
sister, in hushed tones: "and who are you voting for?"
me, trying to circumvent a potentially touchy subject: "i haven't quite made up my mind yet..."
sister: "i'm voting for bush! i don't like that kerry. [pause] you know, the catholics are against abortion. and i watch the EWTN, and i know it's not just the catholics. even the colored churches! [another pause] and if that kerry gets in, there's going to be the abortion, and the homosexuals, and the thing with the cells..."
me: "stem cell research?"
sister: "THAT'S IT! you know they take the cells from the em-br-eye-oh and that's murder, mhm! and the euthanasia, you know what euthanasia is? [dramatic pause] it's when you get old and they kill you because you're no good anymore, mmhmm. and that kerry, he reminds me of hitler!"
me, trying not to look utterly horrified at the notion of this woman going to the polls tomorrow: "HITLER?"
sister: "he does! the way he moves when he talks! like this! [starts flailing her arms in the air in a mock nazi salute, nearly falling off her chair in the process] but i know dear, you have to work. you just have such a sweet disposition, and i'd hate to see you sin..."
me: "mrs so and so, i -- sin?"
sister, very seriously, reaching over to pat my hand: "maybe you ought to talk to your priest about it."


i'm not a politically outspoken person - i know my own mind and what i identify with, and while i respect people who deviate from my, err, vision.... this well-meaning old woman, for five minutes, was the voice of an america i tremble to remember exists.


james wolcott, as ever, succinctly hits the nail on the head:

I am preparing myself for either outcome today. Should Kerry win, I will post an important statement called "A Time for Healing," or something equally noble-sounding. Should Bush win, I shall post a statement of philosophical resignation tentatively titled "Good, Go Ahead, America, Choke on Your Own Vomit, You Deserve to Die." The latter will probably require a little more tweaking.

Get out. Vote. You'll feel so much better afterwards--cleaner inside.

Labels: me me me