soft hands.

qotd and other stories

fractured qotd anyway, from fjm: "...Jeter just won his motherhumping third Rawlings Pepsi Burger King Microsoft Vista Gold Glove Award, despite being terrible at gloving things."

on juneh's blog, i made a comment to the effect of feeling like jeter is ferris beuller to my exasperated jeannie... and of course i have to now do a silly post about it, screwing the blouse man ( too lazy to look for the post, sry found them. had to edit the pictures slightly.) style. zooey deschanel playing jovie will be playing me playing jeannie, because a) not putting my face on this blog b) it's my blog and i can do whatever i want.

: Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second.

: Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe Ferris isn't such a bad guy. After all, I got a car, he got a computer. But still, why should he get to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants? Why should everything work out for him? What makes him so goddamn special?
: Screw him.

: Why'd you kick me?
: Where's your brain?
: Why'd you kick me?
: Where's your brain?
: Why'd you kick me?
: Where's your brain?
: I asked you first.
: How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney is there with her?
: I said for her to be there alone and you freaked.
: Now, I didn't hit you. I lightly slapped you.
: You hit me. Look, don't make me participate in your stupid crap if you don't like the way I do it. You make me get out of bed, you make me come over here. You make me make a phony phone call to Edward Rooney? The man could squash my nuts into oblivion. And-and-and then, and then, you deliberately hurt my feelings.

: I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind.

[Ferris has snuck aboard a parade float]
: Ladies and gentlemen, you are such a wonderful crowd, we'd like to play a little tune for you. It's one of my personal favorites and I'd like to dedicate it to a young man who doesn't think he's seen anything good today - Cameron Frye, this one's for you.
: [screams]
: Ferris! Get off of the float!

[after hearing Jeannie describe her problems... ]
: There's someone you should talk to.
: If you say Ferris Bueller, you lose a testicle.
: Oh, you know him?

: What's your name?
: It's Jean, but most guys call me Shauna.
: Bye Jean.

: Oh, he's very popular, Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads—they all adore him. They all think he's a righteous dude.


3:06 PM :: ::
  • I sob

    miracle i could read it given the terrible distraction of someone's shirt being unbuttoned to unnecessary degree

    excuse me, i have to go out and buy some wheaties

    By Blogger June, at 5:42 PM   <$BlogItemControl$>
  • wheaties


    By Blogger lupe_velez, at 6:42 PM   <$BlogItemControl$>
  • I have to say this is probably one of my favorite posts ever.

    The fact that you chose Elf Zooey instead of the more well-known Hitchhikers or Almost Famous Zooeys was the cherry on top of the proverbial post sundae, as Elf Zooey is my favorite Zooey of all.

    Someday I will probably steal this post format as it is goddamned genius.

    By Blogger Mr. Faded Glory, at 6:58 PM   <$BlogItemControl$>
  • Also you left out the scene where you (zooey deschanel) tells boy-from-the-wrong-side-of-the-tracks (george kottaras) that your name is "shaunna."

    By Blogger Mr. Faded Glory, at 7:18 PM   <$BlogItemControl$>

    i sooo badly wanted to do the shauna scene but couldn't think of anyone to be the charlie sheen guy

    By Blogger lupe_velez, at 10:53 PM   <$BlogItemControl$>
  • LOOOOOOOL i am dying

    i think george kottaras' appearance is what did me in the most.

    By Anonymous shannon, at 11:28 PM   <$BlogItemControl$>

    By Blogger Mr. Faded Glory, at 5:52 AM   <$BlogItemControl$>
  • ps everyone knows elf zooey rules everything

    By Blogger lupe_velez, at 1:11 PM   <$BlogItemControl$>
  • I kinda feel bad that I didn't put "screwing the blouse man" together with A Walk on the Moon until just now, and then I feel even worse that I've actually seen A Walk on the Moon.

    Yes, that's right: I've seen A Walk on the Goddamned Moon, but I have never seen the Sopranos.

    By Blogger Mr. Faded Glory, at 3:26 PM   <$BlogItemControl$>
  • since your post i have seen elf, and kinda loved it, which was surprising, as i hate will farrell passionately. zooey was quite wonderful in it, and her singing was otherworldly. also you do look a TON like her esp in that movie!

    By Blogger June, at 3:36 PM   <$BlogItemControl$>
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