dear brian cashman

i've been a really good girl this year. really REALLY good, and there's one thing i'm kinda hoping for this christmas -- david dejesus. no, not like that. not right now, anyway. see, you kinda need a centerfielder who can catch the ball, throw the ball, and hit the ball, and since you and mr omgz four rings are dead set against obtaining the ubertalented but undeniably demented milton bradley, dejesus is my favorite option -- young, hot, good eye, takes his walks, doesn't strike out, plays hard; provides torre with a leadoff guy so all those people whining about how jeter's the best number two hitter in the universe can shut the fuck up; he's brooklyn born, jersey raised, and a rutgers product -- and you know how everyone's a sucker for "local boy makes good" stories.
some random bill james handbook crap:

David DeJesus had the 4th-highest OPS among AL center fielders.
-DeJesus had the 6th-highest OPS of all AL players under the age of 25.
-Among the same group, DeJesus ranked third, behind only Mark Teixeira and Jhonny Peralta, in runs created per 27 outs.
-DeJesus was 7th in the AL in percentage of pitches taken (60.9 percent).

i can hear what you're saying. "hey crazy bitch, those are all superfantastic points but how the fuck am i supposed to get my hands on this guy?" two words: carl pavano. spare me the "he's happy here" business. rumors are rumors for a reason, and it's awful convenient that a paper runs a bit about him being given a clean bill of health right before the winter meetings begin. the royals are desperate looking for a starter to anchor their staff, and glass apparently approved a raise in payroll but it's the royals and he probably meant $15.00, so i'll add two more words: and cash. i'd even take one for the team and do allard baird, if you want. anyway, i'm pretty clueless at this coming up with make-believe deals shit, so i'll leave the particulars to you.

david dejesus: he might drink cosmos, but at least he doesn't have a tiny penis complex.

love
lupe

Labels: yanquis