soft hands.

wading through the papers this morning, seems like everyone in new york's reverted to WE'RE DOOMED because of the rainout. makes me want to take out a full page ad in the post: SHUT THE FUCK UP. praise baby jesus i can always count on dan shaughnessy for a sweet dose of THE RED SOX ARE DOOMED.

and in the event all the chickenlittleitis has made one of you bridge jumping bitches want to change your, uh, stripes, this is your lucky day! because YANKEE HATER GEAR IS ON SALE! STOCK UP WHILE YOU CAN!

apparently, the yankees don't just suck, they $uck. get it? in case you're an idiot yankee fan and don't, provided is an impressively detailed litany of reasons why they suck $uck:

Reasons why the YANKEES SUCK :
- The Yankees don’t suck because they have a bad baseball team they $uck because they are located in the largest U.S. city (8 million citizens, over twice as large as #2 L.A.) and by default enjoy an enormous financial advantage over other teams. They $uck because they leverage their financial advantage so successfully. [because it's the current team's fault the orioles were relocated and renamed all those years ago, and that the organization has more often than not been a well-run machine.]

- Of course the worse example of their financial strength occurred on January 3, 1920 when the Yankee$ bought Babe Ruth from the Red Sox for $125,000 and a $350,000 loan against the mortgage on Fenway Park. It wasn’t hard work that started their success but $$$$$. [and of course it's the yankees fault harry frazee decided to sell the babe. interestingly:"Frazee did sell Babe Ruth to the Yankees, but at the time, it seemed like a reasonable trade. There was no outcry from fans or opponents or media members when it happened. In fact, some people thought the Yankees made a mistake in picking up a player whom Stout calls “Carl Everett with a smile." ]

- On November 21, 1934 the Yankee$ bought Joe DiMaggio from the San Francisco Seals of the Pacific Coast League for $50,000. [but the red sox purchased his baby brother dom dimaggio for $75,000, and that's, you know, cool]

- In April 2003 the Yankee$ imposed a tax on up to 3 million New York metro area homes when their YES cable network began to charge $2 per month to each Cablevion cable subscriber. This should result in an estimated $200 million dollars in revenue to the Yankee$ from cable operators and advertising versus a league wide average of $22 million per team. [NESN makes no money? i guess it all gets funneled to the jimmy fund. great guys, those red sox.]

- The Yankee$ have always had more money than other teams but the advent of free-agency and cable television subscription revenue has allowed the Yankee$ to buy just about any player they want. [... this is just getting redundant.]

there is also a list of purchased players who have helped the yankees in their quest for world domination, which inexplicably includes the likes of hideki irabu, raul mondesi, denny neagle, jose canseco, and jeff weaver, who all belong on the yankees short list of stupid investments.

personally, i'm ecstatic not to be a fan of a team with exactly one homegrown player on the current roster and an illustrious history of dumb decision making that rivals the mets. but hey, to each his own, right?
11:43 AM :: ::
Post a Comment
<< Home

lupe! :: permalink