no, wait, unfortunately the following is completely believable. it makes me sick to my stomach that i live in a culture where this deranged motherfuckery is allowed to go on unchecked and enabled, just because some douchebag was randomly blessed with athletic gifts. lifted from jezebel:
Just days from the Super Bowl, the Seattle Times brings us a powerful story of football, rape and forgiveness. The chief antagonist is Jerramy Stevens, a 6'7, 255-pound tight end on the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. In 2000 he played for the University of Washington Huskies, the third-ranked team in the country (and possibly the third-rapiest, given the three other Husky-on-"groupie" rapes alleged that same year.) But Stevens' case is special, in that it was enabled by so many administrators, authorities, lawyers, and coaches. In high school, where his dad was principal, Stevens served time for beating a friend with a baseball bat and some more time for failing his piss tests and punching through school walls. He should have lost his scholarship but there were lawyers, fans -- even Mormons -- ready to lobby, protest, and write letters on his behalf. In college, Stevens was stopped like 99 times for DUIs, hit-and-runs and driving with licenses that had been revoked due to DUIs and hit-and runs -- a harbinger, perhaps, of the DUIs that would follow in his NFL career. "Sometimes you have to give people a chance," they would say. "He's a good kid etc. etc." But Seattle police detective Maryanne Parker didn't believe it -- especially after, investigating a rape charge against Stevens, she found an email he'd written to another girl with whom he'd been romantically involved:
"i know that you are not going to beliewhat i have to say especially after satterday night but when i got your e-mail today i laughed a first but then it started to sink in and my heart started to break as i read over your words.
"i realize that i have [messed] up and I want to talk to you about being with you and how i can make it up to you. this is not a joke i want to have you in my arms and know that you are mine and ythat nothing that i have done or [a friend] has said caould ever change the way that i feel about you. when i think back to the night that i spent with you by ourselves i wish that i would have done one thing and that is, i wish i would have put ... "
Stevens then describes, in explicit terms, an anal-sex act he wanted to do to her. He closes with: "you whore dont ever utter my name again."
After sending it, Stevens showed the note to a teammate, who called it a "funny ass email."
So at this point it probably wouldn't surprise you that someone like Jerramy Stevens was accused of drugging a virgin sorority girl and anally-raping her in the alley next to a frat house. It probably also wouldn't surprise you that aiding him in this effort, directly aiding the cause of clemency for Jerramy in this crime, were the University of Washington Athletic director Barbara Hedges, then-head coach Rick Neuheisel, current head coach Keith Gilbertson, the University of Washington legal department -- who fought to get the accuser's name released in the civil aftermath after the rape case was dismissed -- King County prosecutors Norm Maleng, Dan Satterberg and Mark Larson, and lawyer and loyal UW football fan Mike Hunsinger, who represented Husky teammates in many cases for pennies on the billable hour.
And finally, it probably also wouldn't surprise you that most of these people had the same reasons for maintaining "reasonable doubt" for Jerramy: Girls are gold-diggers, groupies, looking for attention; as if there is no other reason for the existence of women, no other source of affirmation for them, than perpetuating that mythic higher caste occupied by men whose raw, caveman-like aggression keeps the fans in the seats, the donors sending checks, the Fortune 500 companies shelling out a million for thirty second spots, and the wheels of the economy in motion.
read the rest here. have a garbage can or something ready for when your lunch comes up.
i kid, i kid. especially since i wouldn't mind e-signing up for a piece of that. why, i remember when i was sixteen, i had many sweet daydreams of mike mussina/brady anderson sandwiches... and by sandwiches i mean, like, going out for sandwiches, like a one milkshake three straws deal, because there's no way i knew anything about anything when i was sixteen. uh, before i start shooing kids off my lawn, i'm gonna give a shoutout to my girl vicky for bringing this all to my attention, and oh, i guess i could let you all in on what i'm going on and on about: brady anderson apparently picks up chicks online.
the booth is gonna be made of awesome. except for bobby, but what can you do.
David Cone has made peace with the Yankees New York Yankees and will return this year to broadcast about 50 games on YES, The Post has learned.
A key pitcher and leader on Joe Torre's championship Yankees, Cone had annoyed George Steinbrenner by returning after a year away from baseball in 2002 for a brief and failed comeback with the Mets New York Mets . After his retirement in 2003, Cone was given essentially an open invitation to join the Met broadcast booth, but opted against it for family reasons.
Now, though, with Joe Girardi having left the YES booth to become Yankee manager, Cone will take the place of his former catcher... [ny post]
okay maybe here not so much. i couldn't find many pictures of madden. but if you mute him when he's on the teevee it's like "whoa what's george doing on msnbc?" they're like, ideological opposite twins or something.
probably! too bad i'm not reading through 300+ comments to see what the guesses are so far, that ball would look real nice next to my phil hughes bobblehead. or under my pillow. under my pillow next to the bobblehead..... umm. what?
James' newest sneaker in his signature line with Nike is a tribute to his favorite hardball team: the Yankees.
Dominated by the team's traditional blue-and-white color scheme, the Air Zoom LeBron V shoe features New York's famed pinstripes as well as James' No. 23, the number worn by popular Yankees first baseman Don Mattingly.
Also, under the tongue are the words: "Le-Bron Ja-Mes. Clap. Clap. Clap Clap Clap," a nod to the cheer New York fans reserve for their beloved Yankees, and on the strap is the phrase: "Fresh for '08. Suckers!" [si]
one of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn't belong
Performance by an actor in a leading role George Clooney in "Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.) Daniel Day-Lewis in "There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax) Johnny Depp in "Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" (DreamWorks and Warner Bros., Distributed by DreamWorks/Paramount) Tommy Lee Jones in "In the Valley of Elah" (Warner Independent) Viggo Mortensen in "Eastern Promises" (Focus Features)
The Thunder will host the Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Yankees, the Class AAA affiliate of the New York Yankees, in a special pre-season exhibition game at Waterfront Park in Trenton on April 1 at 7:05 PM.
Tickets to this event will go on sale by phone, 609-394-3300, and online starting Monday, January 21 at 9:30 AM.
This game will give fans the chance to see the top levels of the Yankees Minor League system while reuniting players from last season's Eastern League Championship Thunder team who have moved on to the AAA level.
anyone with the misfortune to know me well knows i'm slightly into cooking. and since juneh insisted on more nom nom nom tagged posts, i'll pass on one of my favorite comfort food recipes to you guys. it's also one of the simplest - i snagged it from jacques pepin's indispensible fast food my way. love the asparagus, love the chorizo, love the almonds, but the best part of this dish are the baguette chunks (yes i am the "fuck chocolate, give me a nice hunk of good bread & some olive oil" type girl). they soak up all the oil and chorizoness and are just about the most satisfying thing ever that doesn't involve potatoes.
Asparagus with Croutons and Chorizo
"This recipe is inspired by Spanish ingredients and combines them in a quick and tasty way. Spanish chorizo or chouriço, the Portuguese version of this spicy sausage, works well in this recipe. you can also use one of the hotter domestic chorizo sausages--some of which are better than others--available at any supermarket. I prefer to make the croutons with chewy bread.
Depending on the size of the asparagus (I like fat, firm specimens*), the cooking time may need to be adjusted by a minute or so. I like my asparagus a bit firm to the bite but not 'raw crunchy.'"
Ingredients • 1 pound large, thick, firm asparagus, tough ends removed and bottom half of stalks peeled with a vegetable peeler • 1/4 cup good olive oil • 1 cup 3/4-inch pieces chorizo sausages (about 4 ounces) • 1 1/2 cups 3/4-inch bread cubes (croutons), preferably from a baguette or country bread loaf • 1/4 cup whole almonds with skins • 1/4 teaspoon salt • 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
Preparation Cut each asparagus stalk into 3 or 4 pieces.
At serving time, heat the olive oil in a large skillet over high heat until very hot.
Add the asparagus, chorizo, bread, and almonds and sauté, covered, for 5 to 6 minutes, tossing or stirring the mixture a few times, so it browns and cooks all over.
Add the salt and pepper, toss again, and serve on four warmed plates.
"i just want to ride horses on the beach and swim in the warm clear water and sleep in the sun and dance with boys who just want me for my us citizenship & sassy hips and drink shitty super cold presidente and eat dominican food. just til pitchers and catchers. waaaah."
"Growing up, my baseball heroes were guys like Mickey Mantle, Billy Martin, even Babe Ruth... They were DRUNKS! They had to overcome their drug! Baseball has to go back to its roots -- forget about the performance enhancing substances, bring back the performance HINDERING substances. If not for me.... do it for the children." - lewis black
Righty Matt DeSalvo, who was 1-3 in seven games (six starts) for the Yanks last season, signed with the Braves. [daily news]
in other news, i'm watching a yankees classic from april 25th 2005 right now and a) i'm mildly excited to have the third baseman here for the long haul b) some dude named carl pavano started a game that went on to be a yankees classic? whoa
in old old like november old land of make believe alex rodriguez news:
Alex Rodriguez is in the final stages of contract negotiations with the L.A. Dodgers.
At 9AM (Pacific time) Rodriguez’s management was grabbing an early brunch with friends, one person in the party being an undisclosed high ranking MLB official, in Los Angeles. At this brunch terms of Rodriguez’s soon to be signed “5 year contract” we’re discussed in detail.
Our source in the brunch party “overheard” that Rodriguez will take a small pay cut, in relation to his actual market value which was said to be estimated at “$33 million dollars per year,” because he has faith that Joe Torre will bring the team to the World Series with in the length of his new managerial contract.
Rodriguez is signing this new contract with the L.A. Dodgers because he, “wants to play in another major market team that has World Series potential.” [coed mag]
overheard? at brunch? maybe somebody had one mimosa too many? i dunno, maybe the mag's supposed to be like the onion or something.